


Got your back, buddy

by PixieBird99



Category: Project Winter (Video Game), Twitch Streamer RPF, Video Blogging RPF, Youtubers
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Survival, Tags May Change, Trust Issues, Violence, ZeRoyalChaos, friendships, loosely based on the game, vacation gone wrong, will be tragic but with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieBird99/pseuds/PixieBird99
Summary: Six gamers decide to plan a fun vacation to the middle of nowhere to get away from society. It is all fun and games, until they are stranded in a blizzard with limited resources. Based on several Project Winter streams.
Relationships: Anthony | ChilledChaos/Steven | ZeRoyalViking
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47





	1. Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> It has been years since I've written fanfictions, so I'm a little bit rusty. Also first time writing on AO3, so still figuring it all out hehe ^-^.
> 
> Disclaimer: these are technically real people, but I decided to stick to their online persona as much as possible. Actions do not always reflect their real counterparts.

_Ze’s POV:_

It was supposed to be a fun trip. Just the six of us. Shubble was the one coming up with the idea to go on vacation together. As we have been all friends on Twitch, playing video games together, but it would actually be the first time that we would be in the same room. Well, I have met some of the people. I mean, Chilled and I have been best of friends for ages. I lost count of the times we have shared a room, be it at somebody’s place or at a hotel for a convention. Chilled always jokes about how we are totally a couple. I would then either chuckle and play along, or tell him jokingly to fuck off.  
As we were deciding where to go, I came up with the idea to go to northern Canada. People always believe I’ve been born in Canada, but the truth is that I only have Canadian citizenship. I totally grew up in sunny California. But Canada stuck out to me that it was a place we could easily travel to and yet be so removed from civilization. Most of us were actually pretty burned out from keeping up with streaming, social media, the whole internet personality business. If we went to a place without any access to the cyberworld, we could focus on getting to know eachother better, while also being able to relax. And besides, winter sports were totally in my blood.

And so it was decided. About a month later, the six of us sat in the truck dropping us off at a cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere. Tay had fallen asleep during the trip and had to be woken up.  
“Gruhh… where are we?” her groggy voice muttered. Toast pointed at the wooden cabin from through the window, reminding her of where they were going to in the first place. I smiled at Chilled sitting in the seat next to me, happy that we finally arrived. We all got out of the truck to pack our bags and luggage from the back. The landscape was completely covered in untouched fluffy snow. Our warm winter boots leaving footprints, disturbing the blanket of snow.

“Brr… it’s so cold, I cannot wait to warm up at the fireplace!” Shubble said with an excited tone in her voice. Her nose and cheeks were getting red from the cold already. As they stepped inside of the cabin, they were greeted by a large fireplace in the middle of couches. It was not burning yet, as we figured. Next was a stove with a dining table just enough to fit six chairs and the staircase that would lead to the three bedrooms upstairs. Rugs on the floor and on the wall made of deer and moose pelts gave the cabin a jägerhütte-like feel. With a plop, Toast dropped his bag on the couch, probably not wanting to carry it for longer than necessary. I clear my throat to get everyone’s attention.

“So, we have three bedrooms. I thought of me bunking with Chilled, and have Tay and Shubble share a room. Which leaves Toa-“

“Why do I get Cheesy?” Toast interrupted unamused. The younger blond with frizzy hair started laughing.

“What’s wrong with me?” 

“You always fuck me over in video games, like hell I trust you!” It sounded more like a deprecating joke than an actual insult. 

“Well, I agree with this arrangement, right ladies?” Chilled said while looking over at Tay and Shubble nodding. That settled it then. I rubbed my hands together.

“Alright, let’s pack out guys and heat up this place.” Chopped wood for the fireplace was neatly stacked in rows in a nook in the wall. This would get us through a few days. A few minutes later, the soft crackling of the fire and a warm flow of air started to fill up the cabin. Soon, everybody had forgotten the cold of the outside world and started to settle in. The bedrooms upstairs were not particularly big. The gabled roof making the ceiling uneven. I sat down on the bed that seemed too small to be a queen size, throwing my bag with spare clothes behind the night stand. The plane flight had made my head a bit wobbly. Damn turbulence. I rubbed my eyes, my hand going through my curly brown hair. I felt another hand on my shoulder.

“Hey, you okay buddy?” Chilled asked, sitting down next to me. I give him a smile.

“Yeah I’m fine. Thanks for asking though.” I look over at the other side of the bed where Chilled would have to sleep. “Are you even going to fit in here?” Chilled then hold up my hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. 

“Ofcourse I will, Ze! I fit perfectly on top, like we always do,” the Italian said with a fake seductive look.

“The fans can’t even hear us, you silly.” I freed my hand and pushed him. He did not put up any resistance at all and let himself fall with his back now on his bed. 

“You know what we should totally do tomorrow?” Chilled asked, still on his back.

“Well?” 

“Operation Old Yeller snowball fight with Cheesy. That sicko will come up with something, I tell you. It’s payback time after he shanked me like that in Among Us last week.” I just gave a chuckle and answered with a “sure”. Yep, this was our ChilledChaos. Either a complete paranoid or pulling the strings when it comes to video games. But mostly a paranoid. And I either fully got his back… or sus him to no end. But in real life, he knows that I would never drop him. He knows that I would take the bullet for him. And I know that he would do the same. I just know it. I lay down on my back too, us both now staring at the wooden ceiling. I could just unpack later, as I was exhausted anyways. It’s been a while since Chilled and I got to share a room, as PAX was cancelled last time. It just brought happy memories of our shared past. We didn’t say anything to eachother, as we didn’t really need to. This trip was to relax and have fun after all. I scooted over a bit so that my legs were at the footboard. Chilled’s broad shoulders slowly brushed against mine. I didn’t mind that at all. The touch was actually pretty warming…

“Hey lovebirds, care to join the rest of us for dinner? We’re all waiting on you.” my eyes shot open from the sudden voice coming from the door opening. I quickly sat up and looked Toast in the eyes. Did I just fall asleep?

“Is it that late already?” I looked at the window past Chilled, who was already sitting up. The sun had indeed set already. 

“Oh yeah you totally fell asleep Ze. Pretty cute I must say,” Chilled laughed. I scratched the back of my head as I got up, my head a little wobbly still. The dinner table was already occupied by Cheesy, Shubble and Tay. The latter blond had her plate already filled up with food. The three of us placed ourselves in the empty chairs. I sat in between Chilled and Toast and reached for the spoon to scoop up the pasta. We knew there was no eating place or supermarket nearby, and with the heavy snow they for sure wouldn’t deliver food, so we had packed enough food with us so survive the trip. Sure, it was mostly canned but convenient to make. Chilled made the expected remark on how the food was not true Italian pasta and that he would take everybody to the best restaurant he knew the next time they were together.

“Honestly I feel honored I was invited to go with you guys…” Toast began as he put down his fork with a smile. “You guys are all amazing friends.” Shubble next to him, ruffled through his short dark hair. 

“Let this trip be a celebration on how much we’ve all grown together,” she chirped. Yeah, despite everything… this year was still very successful for all of us. We hold up our glasses.

“Cheers!”

I felt like nothing could stand this week in the way.


	2. Cold Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is a little bit shorter than the other one, but I felt like writing some fluff before progressing the plot. Hope you enjoy!

It was later that night. The wind could be heard howling against the wood of the cabin. It was a good thing that the insulation was actually functioning, or we would have a very hard time falling asleep. Not that any of us were sleeping yet, probably. An internet life just naturally comes with a fucked up sleep schedule. The fireplace downstairs was still on, supplying heat through the floors upstairs. It was decided that the last one awake would put it out. I believe Toast and Tay were still downstairs. Chilled was occupying the bathroom. He’s the evening shower kind of guy. Gives him the advantage of not having to fight over the shower in the morning, he said. And given the time he’s been showering, confirms to me that we fortunately had normal access to warm water. They had said so on the booking site, but when there is no access to electricity, you never know. The house could have been off the grid for all we knew. But on the other hand, if there was normal plumbing, there should have been water as well, right?

I picked up my phone that lay on my nightstand. 12:15 am, it said, brightness turned all the way down. No Wi-Fi-connection, no mobile data, not even normal signal. Still functions well as a clock, though. Chilled had turned off his phone. There was no way to charge a phone here anyways, and Chilled really wanted to have his phone working just in case ours all died. We needed to keep track of the days and the time the truck would pick us back up next week.

The shower in the bathroom next to our room turned off. I guess he was done. That would actually be neat, because I needed to brush my teeth anyways. A few seconds later, the tall Italian entered the door, wearing only his boxers with small turtles on it, and a white towel around his neck. His black hair was going everywhere around his face. He smiled sheepishly.

“Thought I had everything, but apparently I forgot my tank top.” He started going through his pile of clothes to grab a black tank top. As he was putting that one on, he looked at my PJs and commented on my slippers.

“Ah, you’re wearing the fluffy bunny slippers I got you for Christmas. They look cute on you.” He chuckled in a friendly manner. Yes, I was wearing my bunny slippers. But how could I not wear them when they were a gift from my best friend? And besides… they were warm. The rest of my clothing consisted on grey plaid pants and a dark red shirt. Pretty casual for the occasion.

“Is the bathroom free now?” I asked him, to which he nodded.

“Great, thanks!” I said as I jumped up and got to brush my teeth.

1:00 am. The rest of the crew had also gone to their rooms at this point. The warmth slowly disappeared for a chilly night air. The thick covers providing all the warmth to sleep. I was cold. Especially my hands, feet and shoulders. Chilled on the other hand, didn’t seem to have that problem at all. He was sleeping with very light clothing, the heat apparently radiating all out. Lucky son of a gun. His breath was controlled, and I couldn’t figure out by the movement of his chest whether he was actually sleeping or just resting awake. Since it was very dark as well. No streetlights shining through the window, no traffic leaving playful dancing lights on the ceiling. I tried to turn around, but instead shivered involuntarily. Apparently, this caught Chilled’s attention, something that I wanted to avoid and just let him sleep. A dark silhouette turned to face me.

“Hey… Steven, are you so cold?” he whispered, the first time he used my real name instead of my nickname. Something usually reserved for more private and deep conversations. I let out a small sigh.

“Maybe… a little bit… but I’m fine, don’t worry.” I tried to play it off that the cold didn’t phase me, but the clattering of my teeth told him enough.

“I know you are lying, lemme feel.” Before I could react, he took my hand. He was warm. The warmth slowly traveled through my skin into my finger bones, and also to my cheeks. His touch was also very delicate, as if he were afraid my hand would shatter like ice if he pinched too hard. If it were less dark in the room, I would probably have been greeted by his stern look. And he would probably have seen how flustered I was, I probably looked beet red from the bit of warmth evaporating from my cheeks.

“You are so cold!” a hushed exclamation with a tone of worry. “C’mere…” His hand let go of mine, and instead he pulled my entire body closer to his into a hug.

“A-Anthony?” I gasped in surprise. He replied with a soft reassuring shush while holding me close. This was awkward and weird, but also good? My cold was suddenly no issue anymore. His shins warmed my feet, his arms around my shoulders, my cold nose resting on his shoulder. But was this too close? Was this right? I was hugging my best friend in bed. My betrothed friend, for god’s sake! And yet a small voice in the back of my head told me to never let him go, to pull him closer, to hold on tight. But no, this wasn’t the way to go about it. He probably just wanted to help me with my cold, as a friend. Just a platonic friend, like how we always treated each other. ZeRoyalChaos was just a joke, right?  
Chilled must have picked up my confused feelings, because he reassured me again with a shush.

“It’s okay… you need sleep… it’s okay.” He whispered in my ear. I sighed again, my mind trying to calm down again. Then I nodded, though I was unsure if he even could see it.

“You’re right. Goodnight Anthony.”

“Goodnight Steven.”

I fell asleep, my head resting on his chest.


	3. Winter Sports

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 300+ views? Thank you so much guys. And also for all the kudos and comments. I really hope you enjoy the work :) This chapter was especially interesting to write, because it hits close to home. If it weren't for the pandemic, I'd probably be skiing right now. I actually have no idea if Ze has ever gone skiing, but I figured since he could skate that he could ski as well haha. Anyway, enjoy!

It was the next morning. The sun was leaving a warm golden glow on the snow. The sky was a sea of cerulean, no cloud in sight. The windows of the cabin were foggy from condense. The fireplace was just starting to really get going. The other source of heat was the stove. 

I was still the only one awake. I put some butter in the frying pan to make pancakes. The pancake mix sizzled when it hit the molten butter. Concentrating was pretty hard with all the thoughts going through my head. I remembered waking up, my arms all wrapped around Chilled and my head resting on his chest. Even though it was keeping me warm in the cold room, I got scared, panicked and got out of the room as fast as I could. I didn’t want Chilled to wake up with us like this, didn’t want to have to look him in the eyes and see his reaction. The thought scared me. What if he got angry at me for getting too personal? Was I violating his space? Would it upset Jess if she knew? I knew nothing really happened other than us cuddling for warmth, but still. Cuddling, you just had to use the word “cuddling”. Way to go Ze, you made it even sound more romantic than it was. You just wanted it to be true. You just wanted Chilled to like you, hug you, kiss you. No, I didn’t. Fuck off… 

A feeling that I could only describe as confusion, topped with guilt started to take over. It was making a twist in my stomach. Only the sweet bakery smell of the pancakes was keeping me from throwing up there and then. I knew that feeling really well. It had been creeping up regularly over the past years, but this year it just had become stronger and more frequent. I didn’t know if it was the fact that I was getting frustrated from the lack of physical contact with others, the lack of being in a stable relationship, or just that my mind was trying to be more true to myself. Or a combination of all three. Lying to myself was easier and less painful. If I pretended nothing was wrong, then I couldn’t hurt others, then I couldn’t hurt Chilled. I could just hope that if I kept pushing through long enough, the feeling would eventually go away. And then no one needed to know about it. Problem solved, right?

“Oh hi Ze. Good morning!” I jumped in surprise from the greeting coming from the other side of the room. It flung me back to reality. It was Shubble in the doorway. “Sorry if I surprised you.” I only then remembered what I was doing in the first place. The pancake… I took the spatula and flipped the pancake over. The other side was a very dark brown. Shit…

“Ah don’t worry I’m fine,” I try to get myself together and tried to laugh it off. “The first pancake is always a disaster.”

I put the pancake on a plate and started with making more for the rest of the crew. Shubble helped with setting the table. Slowly, the other started pouring in the living room as well. When Chilled entered the room, I decided to act as if nothing had happened that night. 

“Hey Chilly Willy, are you excited to go skiing today?” I ask Chilled with a smirk. The latter just laughed sheepishly. “No, but you’re gonna make me anyways.” 

“It will be fun, I promise!” I laugh, placing the final pancake on the pile, signaling that breakfast was ready.

_(time skip)_

Everyone was equipping themselves for the snow. The shed behind the cabin was full of skiing and snowboarding equipment. I hoisted myself in skiing pants and put on thick socks. Jeans would be way too cold. Chilled borrowed my cousins winter clothes, as he didn’t have good ones himself. 

“Since when are there both left and right socks?!” Chilled exclaimed as he had put the wrong sock on the wrong foot, indicated by the little L and R on his socks.

“That’s because the material is different depending on what part of your sock gets more pressure. It’s more comfy that way.” I had gone skiing a few times when visiting family in Canada. And if Chilled’s skiing would be anything like his ice skating, I’d have a lot of fun teaching him. I still couldn’t believe how I convinced him to do this in the first place. A few years ago he’d swear that skiing would result in his death. But that was back with the Derps, and to be honest, Tom would be the only other one not being reduced to a dangerous projectile on snow. The synthetic material of our poofy pants were rustling with every step we took. I took my red parka from the coat rack and threw the other one at Chilled. Our parkas were the same bright red color, with the only difference being the fur trim on the hood. Mine being white and his being black. Going outside without a coat for even a few seconds would be a nightmare. 

“Let’s get our shoes and meet up with the rest,” I say to Chilled as we walk out of the door to the shed. A wooden bench in front of the shed was occupied by Cheesy and Toast. Shubble and Tay were already fully equipped. Shubble wore a bright yellow parka and wore a fluffy knitted white hat. A pair of black skis and poles in hand. Tay’s parka was a snowy white and was holding a purple snowboard. Both girls had Chrome-colored goggles for the snow. Toast and Cheesy were still tying the laces on their snowboard boots. The former in a cyan and orange parka, the latter in a dark blue one. I opened the door to the shed and looked for boots in my and Chilled’s size, as well as what kind of skis they had. The equipment was a bit old, but I managed to find two neat pair of carves. Since Chilled was so tall, these skis would probably be a little short for him. But that wasn’t really too much of a problem.

“Ze… what are those?” I hear a small tone of anxiety in Chilled’s voice as I plop down his pair of boots in front of him. The hard plastic casing makes a loud thud on the ground.

“Your boots. If you need help putting them on, then I can help you.” I sit down on the same bench Cheesy and Toast were on and put on my skiing boots with relative ease. I saw how Chilled tried to pry his foot into the boot.

“Ow ow ow! It’s not working. My foot won’t go in!” I hear him yell. Yeah, your foot needed to make a weird angle to step in. I knelt down before him and pulled the tongue of the boot, to hopefully give him a little bit more wriggle room to step in.

“Here, try again. Make your foot as flat as you can,” I advised him. “Oh, and it helps when you’re standing.” I held the boot in place as I felt him using my head to balance himself. 

“Ow! Ow! Ze, I’m breaking my ankle this way. I’M BREAKING MY ANKLE!” at this point he was screaming.

“Trust me you won’t, just use a little more pressure,” I reassured. His foot suddenly sank in and I heard a groan in relief. He sat down again, huffing and puffing, now with one boot on.

“Fuck… why do they make these like this…” he looked over at Cheesy, who was sniggering at this point, and pointed at his snowboard boots. “Why don’t I have boots like those! Those look a lot more comfortable.”

“Since I knew you had no experience with either sport, I figured you’d want to try skiing first. You’re less likely to fall on your butt all the time.”

“Not fair…” Chilled pouted at him. With a little bit of struggle, he also managed to put on the second boot. As he finished strapping his buckles and put on his gloves, I handed him his pair of skis. Toast had gone inside again to grab a jerrycan of fuel for the ski lift. He had also found six walkie-talkies in one of the drawers and gave each of us one so we could communicate. Mine was now safely tucked away in my pocket.

It was a small 5-minute walk to the main slope. According to the reviews the slope was a few hundred meters long. A small motorized handle tow ski lift would give us a way back up to the cabin. After refueling the engine and a few tries, we got it to move. Awesome!

“Everyone ready!!” Cheesy shouted as he fastened the second boot to his snowboard. Everybody cheered and Shubble pointed her ski poles in the air in excitement. Tay hopped with her snowboard to the edge of the slope.

“Last one down has to give everyone a gifted sub when we’re back!” she teased and was the first one to go down, be it a bit wobbly. Toast, Cheesy and Shubble immediately followed. I was also about race down, show them the inner Norse in my blood, until I looked over at how Chilled was doing. Oh no… All the blood had vanished from his face, even though the cold usually gave everybody healthy pink cheeks. He looked absolutely terrified. I stopped in front of him.

“You okay, buddy?” I asked him. He gulped and sighed.

“I don’t know Ze…” he stammered. “I didn’t want to show it to the others, but I’m honestly scared…” I skate-walked up the hill again until I was standing next to him. I poked my poles into the snow, so that I had both my hands free.

“Hey, it’s okay if you’re scared. I’m gonna teach you and we’re gonna go down together, okay?” I rubbed circles on his shoulder to make him feel better. He just nodded at me.

“The most important thing is knowing how to stop. If you think you’re going too fast, you do this…” I brought the fronts of my skis together. “It’s like making a slice of pizza! Broccoli pizza if you want. Try it out.” I watched as he slowly copied my movement.

“Like this?”

“Yeah, like that. If you never forget about the pizza slice, you will be alright.” I smiled at him. I took both of my poles hand again and slowly rutsched backwards. My other hand was reaching out to him.

“Follow me, okay? We’ll go slowly.” I kept sliding backwards, my skis in a reversed pizza slice, occasionally looking where I was going. Chilled’s skis were now moving away from the horizontal plane that they were on and started to be affected by gravity. His eyes were wide open, his arms flailing around a bit.

“Steady… steady… keep your hands out like this” I hold out my stretched arm, my poles in my fists. Chilled followed and his movements got less erratic. He was following me, all his muscles seemed to concentrate in holding the pizza slice pose to not accelerate too much.

“Heh yeah! Look Ze, I’m skiing!” his voice was mixed with both enthusiasm and anxiety. His tense face looked pretty cute, not gonna lie. It really brought out his muscles. No Ze! I quickly shook my head. But then realized I probably looked like I was disapproving of his hard work. I was making a mess of it… just smile!

“Wow, awesome Chilly Willy!” I just said. About halfway through, he seemed to have a bit more confidence and picked up speed. Something that I hadn’t anticipated. His skis crossed over mine. The sudden change in material from the thick snow to the smooth plastic caused both our skis to lose friction. Before I could react, we both lost our balance and fell to the ground. The only thing that I did was clamp the nearest big object within reach, which in this case was Chilled. _Clack clack!_ The impact had triggered the bindings and had sent our skis flying off. We slid down another meter before stopping in the snow. At this point, I was holding Chilled, and Chilled was pinching my arms in return. He was basically sitting on my lap now. This… was getting awkward. It was visible in his eyes too. He quickly scooted over away from me.

“See? Falling doesn’t hurt as much as on ice now, does it?” I decided to joke. It took a second for Chilled to answer. “I give you that… it is pretty soft.” He then smirked. “Your crotch that is!”

“I can’t say the same about your butt, you ass!” I teased him back, standing up to shake the snow off my pants. Chilled did the same. Our skis were about a few meters away and had come to a halt due to the snow brakes. I tapped the snow away from under my shoes and stepped back into my skis. Then I helped Chilled hold his balance while reattaching his skis under an angle. Slowly but surely, Chilled continued making his way down the hill. This time I was slowly tailing him. Then I saw the rest of the gang waiting where the slope ended in a valley. I could have easily sped past Chilled, but I knew how insecure he was about this whole ordeal. So, I slowed down and had him finish first.

“Yeessss! Chilled!” everybody was cheering on. I stopped next to them.

“Guess I owe you guys a gift sub! I finished last!” I exclaimed, smiling and winked at Chilled. Then everyone made their way to the tow lift. I was the fifth in line. Before I got the chance to grab a hook, I felt a hand on my shoulder holding me back.

“Thank you… for that…” it was Chilled, outside of hearing range of the rest. I put both my hands on his shoulders and smiled, before whispering.

“I got your back, buddy.”


	4. Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to change the rating from T to M, just to be safe. This story won't contain anything graphically sexual or smutty, just normal romance stuff. But I have some things planned in the future of this story that might warrant the M-rating. I hope you still enjoy.

__

_(Time skip)_

_The warmth of the fireplace was tickling my chin. The orange flames sparkled in Chilled’s eyes. He took one of my hands. I wanted to move my hand, but my entire body was frozen in place. I wanted to say something to him, but no sound came out of my mouth but a hoarse whimper._

_“Ze… I need to talk to you…” he said in a low calm voice. “I know you want to tell me something… and I think I know what you wanna say.” As on cue, I regained control over my body. I felt how I gripped Chilled’s hand tighter. Small pearls of sweat appeared on my forehead._

_“Chilled… I mean Anthony… I… I have f-feelings for you.” The words just flew out like that. I didn’t know why I just admitted it. Chilled’s other hand stroke the brown curls out of my face, while pulling me closer to him. His face seemed relieved._

_“I do too, Steven. I do too.” He leaned forward and kissed me. I closed my eyes as I made contact. My stomach made a twist as I felt the softness of his lips, his beard brushing against mine. I gasped for air in between kisses. His hand on my face slowly trailed down to my hips, pulling me even closer, until we were basically pressed up against eachother._

_“I want you… I need you… I felt so lonely…” I muttered out, my eyes pleading to his. His hands held my hips tighter as he went back for a second kiss._

_When I closed my eyes, the feeling of his lips and arms slowly dissolved into a void of nothingness. I was in a different room. Not standing close to Chilled anymore. Instead standing in the corner of a dimly lit room. The man who was in my arms a few seconds ago, sat on his knees on the cold ground. His hair was a complete mess, his college hat was torn. His eyes were bloodshot and he was crying. The sadness in his eyes quickly turned to resentful anger._

_“Look what you have done to me!” he screamed. My body was frozen again. But it still hurt to see him like this. He grabbed the damaged hat from his hand and slammed against the ground multiple times._

_“Jess hates me! She left me, because of you!”_

_Silence._

_“It’s your fault! If you didn’t fall in love with me, this wouldn’t have ever happened!”_

_Tears welled up in my eyes._

_“You ruined my life!”_

_“I HATE YOU!”_

I shot awake, in a puddle of sweat and gasping for air. The dark ceiling of the cabin bedroom made me realize that it was just a nightmare. Chilled’s voice still echoed through my ears. The tears that had welled up in my dream were now rolling down my cheeks. 

“Hey… you alright?” I heard a sleepy voice say next to me. I sat up and realized that I was once again entangled with Chilled’s arms. I quickly removed myself from his grasp. I didn’t want him to know about my dream. I would hurt him… just like in that nightmare. 

“Sorry, I just had a nightmare,” I quickly said. “I’ll be back in a bit… gotta pee and drink some water.” I didn’t know how quickly to jump out of the bed. It made purple spots appear in my vision and I stumbled towards the door. The quicker Chilled was out of my view, the earlier I could empty my head. The bathroom light was blinding, making the vertigo spots even more prominent. I took one of the washcloths and soaked it in water. I wetted the palms of my hands, which made my nausea subside. Then I rubbed the cool damp cloth all over my face and neck, removing the sweat that had formed. It was refreshing. I took a deep breath and thought about the events in my dream. That dream must have been a sign, telling me that all the weird thoughts and feelings around Chilled were truly there. It was perhaps a warning too. Something that could happen if I wasn’t careful, wasn’t considerate. Fortunately, the events weren’t real. The dream wasn’t real. The images of my dream became less and less vivid every time I told myself that it was just a dream. That so far nothing had ever happened between Chilled and I. That I would never get in the way of his happiness. I would become the best friend to him I could ever be. Even if that meant never having my feelings returned. I sighed. I was in love with Anthony “Chilled” Chaos. That had become clear to me. When I was finished, I filled a glass of water to drink. My throat had become dry, and the cold of the day had split my lips. After doing my business, I returned to my bed. Apparently Chilled was still awake.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“No, I’m fine, but thanks.” I said, climbing back under the still warm sheets. Chilled might have taken the hint that I really wanted to have some personal space, because he turned around, making sure we weren’t touching our backs in this small bed. Now that I was turned around, I closed my eyes again and drifted to sleep.

The next day, everybody had made great progress in the snow. Especially Chilled, because he could now make it downhill on his own without falling all the time. It might have still been a bit wobbly, and sometimes he would miss the hook on the tow lift. He would then have to hang on clamping his hands on the cable, screaming how his muscles were burning. Cheesy had become a bit cocky with his snowboarding abilities, and decided to race both me and Toast. I had warned him to not mess with a Canadian Viking warrior, but he didn’t back down. Ofcourse, I won, Toast second. Cheesy had given it all at the finish, and ended up crashing face-first into the snow.

“What did I tell you Cheesy?” I said to the snow-covered blonde, a big smirk on my face. He shook his head, trying to get all the snow out of his messy hair.

“I guess you were right all along. I admit my defeat.” He knelt down before me. “Oh great Prince SkiRoyalViking, I humbly ask your forgiveness as a snow peasant.” That nickname was very cheesy (unsurprisingly) and stupid, but ah well. Then he kept on worshipping my skills. At this point I was laughing at his remarks.

“Blowing up his ass won’t get you anywhere Cheesy,” Toast responded with his sassy remark. Toast then gave me a fist bump for winning. 

For the rest of the afternoon, I was crowned winner. After everybody’s legs were starting to hurt, we made our way back to the cabin. About 500 feet before the cabin, someone took my hand and twirled me around. 

“Hey my snow prince, are you still looking for a snow princess? They don’t call me Chilled Chaos for nothing?” Chilled said in a bad pick-up-line voice. I gave him a small push and chuckles.

“Ofcourse, Princess Chilly Willy. Please aid me in my conquest to defeat revolting peasants.” I grabbed a handful of snow, packing it into a ball, and nodded at Cheesy just a few feet out of hearing range.

“Operation Old Yeller?” Chilled almost whispered, also grabbing snow for snowballs.

“Yes, operation Old Yeller.” Within five seconds, two perfectly aimed snowballs hit Cheesy in the back of his neck. Before he could turn around, a third one hit him square in the face.

“HEY!” he yelled, spitting out the snow in his mouth. “This means war!” he went to grab snow, but was pelted again. This time by Shubble. Quickly, four teams had formed. Me and Chilled together, Toast and Tay together, Shubble alone and Cheesy. I had said four teams, but it was mostly three teams against Cheesy, while occasionally aiming for a different team.

“Shubble you are a sicko!” Chilled wheezed after she had a few accurate hits. She simple laughed in return, trying to cackle evilly but just ended up sounding adorable. While Cheesy had “died” in the snow, I was having a 1v1 against Tay. In the end, we were all completely white from the snow. The snowballs were melting, with cold water starting to roll down our parkas into our shirts. It was getting cold, so we all decided to call it a day and warm up at the cabin.

Once inside, we started up the fireplace and changed to comfy clothes for the rest of the day. After having dinner, we gathered around the small table for some old-fashioned card and board games. Cheesy had brought a copy of One Night Werewolf. At first it was getting used to the roles, as I was so used to the Town of Salem roles. But we started to get the hang of it. Deception games were one of my favorite types of games. We were all seasoned liars, especially with the recent success we had with Among Us. The day phase had almost come to an end, and everybody was pointing their fingers at Chilled, whose story had been inconsistent and whose role had been counter claimed. He jumped up in excitement.

“Haha! I was the jester!” He flipped the Tanner card, and everybody groaned as they realized they had lost. After the last game, we were all heading back to bed. Being outside in the snow for a few days really did exhaust you in the evening. All our legs muscles were burning. Maybe we should start a little later tomorrow, or else our legs would completely die.

We said our goodnights to the others, brushed our teeth and hit the hay. It was not even midnight, and yet I couldn’t stop my eyes from closing. Hopefully tonight would be a little more peaceful. As Chilled and my backs faced each other’s, I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that the next chapter will be a little bit more spicy in the tension department. For now, all you have is a bit of romantic tension hehehe. We're still in the "happy" part of the story.


	5. Wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the chapter title says it all. Ze surely has a special relationship with the canine wildlife in Project Winter. Also I tried writing a bit more dialogue in this one. Hope you enjoy!

A few days had passed. And while everybody seemed to be able to calm down and relax during their vacation, I kept being plagued by these nightmares. Every night, I woke up exhausted, sweaty and ashamed. The dreams seemed to get worse and worse every night. It would start out nice between Chilled and I, but then everything would go downhill. At first it was just Chilled being angry and sad, but then others started appearing as well. Jess screaming, everyone at the cabin turning their backs on me. The people I considered to be my closest friends; John, Anthony and Tom, shaking their heads in disappointment. The whole world seemed to hate me.

This particular night was the worst of them all. I woke up to the image of Chilled screaming he hated me with a gun pointed to my head. I knew dreams weren’t real, but they still hurt. God they hurt so much. All the pent up emotions had finally gotten to me. I couldn’t help but burst out crying. My breathing was hitched as I sobbed into my pillow, fully aware that the person behind these emotions was lying next to me. I didn’t care anymore if he could see me. Chilled wasn’t stupid. It should have been obvious to him that I wasn’t doing well. I didn’t care, as long as I didn’t have to tell him. Or else everything I was afraid of, could come true. I felt two hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me up.

“Shhh… it’s alright Ze. If you need to let it out, that’s okay.” His voice stayed calm. Even in my vulnerable state, he tried to be there for me. A sob turned into a cough when I tried to control my jagged breathing.

“I’m a mess…” I slurred out. The Italian reached to the tissue box on his night stand and handed me a tissue paper. “Here.” He wiped down my eyes and I blew my now runny nose. Chilled put one of his hands on my shoulder and the other one under my chin. He made me look straight into his dark brown eyes. He looked worried.

“Ze, you’ve been waking up like this all week. There is something going on that prevents you from enjoying this vacation like the rest of us. It hurts me too seeing you like this. But you seem to always dodge the situation. I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours. So please, please tell me what’s bothering you. You cannot go on like this!” He softly shook me to emphasis his seriousness. I fumbled and really wanted to look away, but his intense stare prevented me to. I let out a shaky sigh.

“I’m so sorry Chilled, but I can’t tell you… for your sake as well.” 

“I’m your best friend! You can always tell me everything, you know that!” I shook my head.

“No, I’m afraid.” 

“But look at yourself! It is obvious that you are absolutely miserable right now. The others might buy your distracted mind as a sign that you’re happy, but you cannot fool me. I promise, whatever you want to tell me, I will keep a secret. For realsies this time. You will feel better if it’s off your chest.” After a few seconds of silence, Chilled seemed to change his strategy. He made a pouty look with his lips.

“Don’t make me beg and use my Italian charm on you to tell me.” He gave his best puppy dog eyes. Damn, he was determined. And he knew that I become soft like butter if he did that. Handsome bastard! One more look in his eyes and it would break me.

“Okay okay!” I caved. Chilled seemed to light up in relief, but he might have been a little too fast. “Please, can I piece my mind together first? I don’t feel ready like this.” 

“Take the time you need, but don’t wait too long okay? The sooner it’s off your chest, the better. I’m sure of that.” I tried to smile, but I was also a bit nervous. Then I got an idea and jumped up from the bed, grabbing my skiing pants that was drying in the room.

“I think I’ll go for a small hike in the snow. You know, take in the fresh air and morning sun.” Chilled then smiled at me.

“Sounds like a plan. It’s still pretty early, so you will have the open fields all to yourself. Want us to wait in the cabin till you’re back?”

“Whatever you guys feel like.” I went to change into my winter clothes. I put the red devil knit hat on, slid the walkie-talkie into my pocket and put on my snow boots. Chilled, still in his PJs, waved at me with a smile.

“Good luck and have fun out there.” He said his goodbyes to me. I opened the door and stepped into the frosty morning outside.

The sun was on a low angle. The sky above me was still blue, though here were a lot more small clouds than the beginning of the week. _Frrp, frrp, frrp_. The snow under my boots rustled. Instead of going south where the slopes were, I decided to go northeast. The cabin was located at the midway point of a hill, with the area behind it being made up of a flowing valley-like landscape. There was a big forest of evergreens nearby. The green trees were painted white by the snow. There were also a lot of open spots with rocky formations, as well as small frozen lakes. I had taken my ski poles with me in case the terrain would get difficult.

After about 10 minutes of taking in the new scenery, my mind started wandering to the predicament I was in. Today was the day I was gonna have to admit my love for Anthony C. Chaos. The man who I consider to be my closest friend. The man who is engaged to a lovely woman named Jess Bubger. Who I truly wish to be happy with her, and I despised that I was wishing him to be with me instead. Our fans over on Youtube, Twitch and other social media would be thrilled to hear me say this. They had been shipping us for almost a decade. But it wasn’t so simple as they made it out to be. I was afraid that I was gonna ruin our friendship. And not only our friendship, but my friendship with other people as well. Not because they wouldn’t accept me for being non-straight or whatever I would be classified as. But because I was putting my own happiness above that of him. Falling in love with your best friend in a relationship was the biggest faux-pas there could be. 

“ZeRoyalChaos is fucking true…” I muttered to myself in defeat. There was no way out anymore. I was going to tell him. I was going to be as honest as possible. I was gonna make it clear that I had no intentions to harm anyone and that I would be fine if he declined. That would actually be the better option, even though it would hurt like a knife, because it would make me feel a lot less dirty. Then I would take a warm shower and move on. Maybe I could sleep soundly again and be energized for the final day. Then we could go back to our homes and record again as if nothing happened. Yes, that course of action would probably give me the most peace out of this. 

I didn’t know how much time had passed. The blue sky had become overcast. The sun that had given me a little bit of warmth on my back had disappeared. The wind had picked up a little bit. It made my scarf flutter around and snow whirl up into my face. It got caught in my beard. I looked up at the sky. Over in the west, some dark clouds had formed. I couldn’t remember snow being forecasted when we checked before leaving. It looked like it would be a lot of snow too. We were truly lucky with the weather the entire week, so it was expected that not every day could be as pretty. I decided it was a good idea to head back before it would start to snow. I got to think about my issues, and even though I didn’t think I would ever be ready to tell Chilled, I thought it would be now or never. I turned around and followed my own footsteps back. I had apparently created the perfect track back home. It was probably a while before I would be back home. I had gone to an entire different valley than the one the cabin was located at. And I had passed through a forest trail too. Wow, the amount of environmental detail you forgot when in deep thought was astonishing. My hands had gone a bit cold, so I was rubbing them together through my gloves to hopefully warm them back on. That warm shower started to sound more and more inviting.

 _Rustle rustle_. I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard noises coming from the trees. Was something there? The forest was very thick that way, so I couldn’t really look. A small blue jay escaped from the tree, calling as it flew away. I didn’t know why that had scared me, so I continued walking to the open plain a few yards away. But the feeling I was being watched didn’t go away. I wasn’t in bear territory, was I? I picked up my pace just to be sure. The cabin was probably still a few minutes away. The rustling returned, this time followed by the sound of several padded feet striding rhythmically in the snow. Turning around, my heart shot in my chest as I was greeted by three pairs of yellow eyes. Wolves! Three large grey wolves were approaching with great speeds, their low aggressive growls sending adrenaline through my system. I tried to run backwards, my poles acting as a barrier between me and the canines. But they were faster than me, way faster. The only thing I could do was brace myself for impact as one of the wolves lunged to grab my arm at the fabric of my parka. I yelled out as I stumbled, trying to keep balance. But the second wolf was already at my legs. Whereas the first wolf had grabbed just my fabric, I wasn’t so lucky this time.

“AARGGH!” two rows of sharp teeth sank through the synthetic fabric of my pants, breaking skin underneath. It yanked backwards, adjusting its grip on my feet and dragging me to the ground. My heart was racing, the burning pain in my leg traveling up my spine through my entire body. With all my might, I was kicking my other foot in the direction of the wolf. Then I saw the third wolf making a leap for me. As on reflex, I positioned my poles horizontally in front of my face. The wolf had gone for my jugular, and instead bit down on the metal ski poles. Its weight asked everything out of my body to throw the wolf off me. I needed to fight with everything I had. At this point I was kicking around, my foot finally hitting the nose of the wolf going down on my shin. It yelped and had to let go, before growling in anger. These ski poles were everything I had. I tried stabbing at their noses and eyes. They were grabbing onto the metal. With all my might, I awakened the ancient warrior in me and made the loudest war cry I had ever made. Swinging my arms around, trying to hit them and scare them off. When I poked one of the wolves in the eyes, the three of them started to get skittish, trying to see if I had an opening to attack. With all the adrenaline, I had fury in my eyes. I kept letting out loud screams, trying to scare them away. They made about two lunges at me, before thank god deciding I wasn’t worth it anymore.

I was shaking. I was covered in snow and sweat. My leg was burning in pain. The inside of my pants felt wet and warm. My leg must have been covered in blood by now. I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t put any weight on my injured leg. It only sent a wave of pain through my body, making me groan. I needed to get back. I was all alone and injured. My hands were trembling, which made it almost impossible to open the zipper of my pocket. I needed to call for help. With great struggles, I fumbled the walkie-talkie out of my pocket. Out of exhaustion, I lay down on the snow, the device against my lips.

“Help. I… need help…” I said between pants. Two agonizing seconds of silence. A terrifying thought of them not having any radios on them flew through my head, until I heard the static noise of a reply.

 _“Ze? Where are you? What happened? Guys Ze needs help!”_ Shubble was the one responding.

“Got a-attacked… wolves… northeast…” my sentences became less and less coherent.

 _“Ze! We’re gonna get you buddy, just hold on!”_ Chilled replied, panic in his voice.

 _“Chilled and Toast are gonna get you, just keep talking to me okay?”_ Her soft caring but worried voice was something I really needed. Like a 911-responder. 

“I… tracks… my leg… I’m i-injured…” I wanted to help guide them to my location, but I couldn’t formulate the rest of my sentences. The cold of the snow had penetrated through the back of my parka, into the rest of my body. I didn’t dare to look how my leg was doing. I was desperately hoping the skiing pants and high socks would somewhat contain the wound. I was alone right now without medical help. This could become dangerous really quick. I was desperately trying to remember where I put the coagulants, must have been in the cabin bathroom. 

“Ze! We’re on our way, try to call out so we can hear you!” Toast answered. They had already gone. All I could do now was wait. Oh the waiting was so agonizing. About every few seconds, I would yell loudly in the direction of the cabin. Shubble made sure to have me report in on the radio every minute. Me answering was an indication that I hadn’t lost consciousness yet. Not that I felt like slipping away, the adrenaline had made my hypervigilant of the surroundings.

After what felt like an eternity, I heard noise in the distance.

“..e..” I faintly caught the last part of my name and gasped. They were here. 

“HERE!” I shouted, signaling my location.

“ZE!” Two men were sprinting as fast as they could in my direction. I was so relieved to see their faces. As the two came closer, I noticed that they were armed: Toast was carrying a large wood axe and Chilled a sickle. They must have brought it with them in case they needed to fend off the wildlife. I tried to stand up again to go in their direction, but once again my foot wasn’t having it.

“Oh jeez lookout!” Toast exclaimed. Chilled was the first to arrive. He threw his sickle in the snow and set his backpack on the ground.

“Oh god Ze, we’re so happy we found you. Attacked by wolves, holy shit!” His breathing was jagged too from running. He quickly opened his bag and reached for the med kit inside.

“Chilled… Toast… thank you.” I said. “Can’t walk… my leg…” I nodded at my injured leg. Both men knelt down in the snow. Chilled took a roll of bandages out of the kit while Toast slowly zipped up the side of the synthetic pants. It burnt so bad that I fell backwards in the snow and closed my eyes.

“Oh wow that looks bad dude,” Toast said. 

“I know I know. Hold his leg up like that, I’m gonna wrap this around. Or else he’d be dead before we reach the cabin.” Chilled ordered Toast around as the two tried to patch me up temporarily. After a few minutes, they washed their red hands in the snow. In the meantime, it had started to snow lightly.

“I hope that at least contains the damage until we’re back. You must be freezing here, so let’s take you back.” My pants were zipped back up and four hands helped me up. My arms around the two’s neck, I started to limp back home. The snow was thick and uneven, making it very difficult for all of us to maintain balance. Something I didn’t have the energy for anymore.

“Sorry…” I apologized as I was clearly a burden for the both of them. Chilled took most of my weight over from Toast, handing his sickle to him. The taller man laid me on the ground temporary, before picking me back up in a princess carry. “Don’t worry, I got you.” 

When we finally arrived back at the cabin, the rest of the crew was waiting for us. They all had worried looks on their faces. As soon as the warmth of the cabin hit my face, a wave of relief passed over me. I was safe now. I had made it back. All he adrenaline that had tensed up my muscles, was slowly subsiding. 

“He needs his meds,” Chilled said sternly to no one in particular as he laid me down on the couch. Cheesy, who had gone pale, stormed upstairs to the bathroom. With the tension being lowered slowly, it gave way for exhaustion. My feet hurt, my muscles hurt, everything hurt. I felt how a glass of water and a metal strip of pills were shoved into my hands. I obediently took them. Even though I was still in my outdoor clothes, I wanted to rest then and there. Even with five pairs of eyes being locked onto me.

“Okay guys, let’s let him rest, he looks absolutely wrecked right now,” Tay said. The others broke eye contact, lowering their speaking voices. The last pair of eyes I saw were the dark brown eyes of Chilled, before I closed my own and slipped away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Updates will come whenever I have inspiration. Might be a bit slow.


End file.
